Sunshine and HoneyBunch

Breaking it down

I decided I was no longer going to have “New Year Resolutions”. At least to not call them that. Instead, this year I made a list of 22 goals (so far…) that I would love to achieve by the end of the year. Things such as taking a cruise, saving a particular amount, reading 20 books and reducing my screen time. Once I finished panicking about how many dreams I’m putting on my shoulders this year, I remembered something I saw while mindlessly scrolling Instagram. The creator took her BIG goals she had for the year and broke them down into manageable goals for each month. I couldn’t imagine why I had never thought to do that considering I treat everything I do as a “When you give a mouse a cookie” type adventure.

So that’s just what I did. I took each of my goals, and broke them down month by month. Read 20 books -> goal of 2 per month. Walk 300 miles on my treadmill -> break it down starting smaller – 15 miles in January, working up to 30 in December. I always got overwhelmed by my resolutions, as I’m sure many people do. And if I didn’t make progress towards the goal in January, I gave up and felt like a failure.

But I’m refusing to feel that way this year. I’ve been so hard on myself for ages, never feeling like I live up to anyone’s expectations. It makes trying to raise two powerful girls feel impossible some days. But no more. This is the year for me. I’m done living by the guidelines of others. My broken-down goals are the way forward for me. I know I’m capable of most (if not all) of them. Some are stretch goals like bringing in an additional $5,000 this year on top of my salary. Others will probably be met in the first half of the year. I had a goal to squat 150 pounds and deadlift 100 pounds. My trainer and I already figured out I can squat 75 and deadlift 75, so I’ll have to reevaluate those goals pretty soon. I’ve already read 2 books and started a 3^rd so I’ll probably exceed that goal (as long as I keep it up). Some goals will go together – read more, less screen time for example. This should help me achieve them.

What goals have you set for yourself this year? Have you considered making them into smaller chunks each month? Give it a try. We may not hit every overall goal this year, but consider how successful we will feel if we hit at least some of them.

Writing here more is also one of my goals this year. I will be sharing more, reaching out more, trying new things. If you feel like someone can connect with me, please share my blog. I’m hoping to turn it into something that people can turn to for a laugh, a smile, maybe a tear, and definitely advice on how to get through life.

Yes I’m still here

“Don’t be afraid of your fears. They’re not there to scare you. They’re there to let you know that something is worth it.”
C. JoyBell C.

Hi there, remember me? It’s been a while, hasn’t it. Life has been nothing short of a whirlwind since I last updated. Some home remodeling, some medical stuff, some job changes. All sorts of things. More things for me to navigate, which has been a struggle lately. The weight of being a single mom seems to get heavier and heavier, even though I have almost 4 years’ experience at this point.

But I’m trying to make the best of it. So, let’s catch up, shall we?

Since my last post, I’ve done a few things around the house. I rebuilt my pantry (with the help of my dad) and updated both girls’ bedrooms. I stripped all the wall paper out of my dining room finally and was able to find a paint color that I’d like to use all around my house. I’ll do a separate post with all of the DIY details another day.

I got myself completely out of debt (other than my house) and traded in my van, which I loved, to downsize to a sedan. For the first time since 2006-ish, I have ZERO credit card debt. I learned how to use my credit cards responsibly and now am racking up rewards paying for my regular monthly expenses. By next year, I may be able to pay for a cruise with them! I miss my van most days (especially in the winter when I don’t have my heated steering wheel), but reducing the monthly payment, insurance AND gas is well worth the gloves I need to wear. For the first time in my life, I had 100% say in which vehicle I purchased. Is it my dream car? Far from it, but it does the job and should last me for a while. Which is nice, because I plan for it to be Sunshine’s car when she gets her license…in 5 years!

I had my last (planned) surgery for my cancer. In September I had a secondary revision of my reconstruction. The goal of the initial reconstruction was to transplant the tissue and just make sure it survived. How it “looked” wasn’t the ultimate goal. Fortunately, my reconstruction was a success, so I got to have the cosmetic touches done and can finally put that behind me. Recovery was much easier this time and I was just about fully functional two weeks post-surgery.

What else?

Oh, after 16.5 years at my company, I was laid off in February. There was no warning. My team had been told the end of last year we were safe and then there was a change in upper management. My team was decimated. About half of us were let go, most of us with more than 15 years tenure with the company. I cried for 2 days. Not about this job specifically, as it wasn’t a dream job, but because I didn’t know what I was going to do. I still don’t to be honest. I have a job interview next week. I hope I get it, because I’ve already received 4 rejections. I try to tell myself that “the world is my oyster”, but right now it’s not feeling that way. Fortunately, I will receive a severance that should cover the girls and I for a little bit if this interview doesn’t pan out, but the uncertainty is something to which I’m not accustomed. I began working for this company fresh out of college. It’s the only “big girl” job I’ve ever had. I will tell you something though. I no longer feel the need to be “loyal” to a corporation that will remove me at any point. I will work, do my job to the best of my abilities, but I won’t tie my self-worth to a job ever again.

I will be honest and say I’ve been struggling since I was laid off. My emotions have run the gamut from devastation at how I will support the girls to glee at the opportunity to look for a new career without the stress of trying to balance my current one. The majority of the time though I find myself aimlessly wandering around the house, scrolling through my phone, or napping when I’m not truly tired. I had always thought to myself how great it would be to have endless hours to learn new things, or explore my creative side, or get my house back in order. And here I am almost 6 weeks out, and I feel like I have nothing to show for it.

I was talking to a friend today about these thoughts and what I’ve gone through the past 4 years. How I feel like what I’ve done over the past 4 years is nothing special because I didn’t have a choice. My friend told me I did, I could have given up but I chose not to. I of course argued this point, because I vehemently deny that I had the choice to give up. We don’t see eye to eye on this, and I doubt we ever will.

The topic of this blog came up and I mentioned how I had fallen off with this blog, because I felt like my words weren’t anything special, that my story wasn’t anything special. My friend has heard the stories of the past 4 years, but didn’t get to witness them firsthand. I think this has created a skewed view of me, that the way I’ve discussed the past makes it seem like I’ve done more extraordinary things than I actually have. I was reminded that there might be someone out there going through something like I did, and that having my words to read may help. I wish I had had someone else’s words to guide me through any of the things I went through.

So, I decided to take my friend’s advice and start this back up. I’ll admit I’ve had the beginning of this post sitting open on my computer for a month. I felt like too much time had passed and too many things had happened for me to just jump back in. But I’ve been told lately that I need to take more risks and have faith. Something I haven’t been able to do since I was in my early twenties. I lost my sense of safety a long time ago, and have avoided just about any risk I can. I’m in uncharted territory for me now. As of April 29^th, I’ll be fully unemployed for the first time since 2006. I’m terrified.

I’m going to work on embracing the fear and uncertainty. My future is a blank slate and its up to me to write the story.

Oh Amazon…

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Hi I’m Meghan, and I’m addicted to Amazon, especially because Prime means I get my stuff fast AND I don’t have to deal with the crowds in the store. So, I figured I’d share some of my recent Amazon Purchases.

BLOWOUT FUN 6ft Long Inflatable Halloween Gnomes

These came across my Facebook page one day, and I don’t know if I’ve bought any decoration faster. I have recently realized my LOVE of gnomes and the girls had been asking when I was going to put up Halloween décor. I didn’t really feel like combing through the boxes in my basement, so this was an awesome thing to find. I’m already considering trying to find similar ones for all the holidays!

Holikme 2 Pack Dryer Lint Vacuum Attachment and Flexible Dryer Lint Brush

I would like to make a confession. I have owned my current washer and dryer set for about 4.5 years at this point, and other than the lint trap being cleaned every time I used it, I hadn’t thought about cleaning it further. However, lately I’ve been getting a flow sense warning on it saying that there was a buildup of lint or a blockage somewhere. I bought this kit just to see what I could clear out, and it did NOT disappoint. It filled my Shark Rocket hand held vacuum TWICE. I need to use it on the exterior vent to hopefully get the rest, but this is definitely worth every penny.

LED Closet Light

These are probably one of my favorite purchases I’ve made recently. My kitchen is ridiculously dark because the main overhead light hasn’t worked since we moved in (yes, yes I know). We had someone come look at the light years ago, but never got it fixed. It is on my list of a million things, but I digress.

I needed more lighting in my kitchen, as I was tired of stumbling through in the dark and not being able to see the foods I was making. I only had the small light high above my sink. These lights are perfect, they are just bright enough and even better, motion activated!

They are rechargeable and have multiple settings (daytime, day and night, and always on). It’s wonderful to be able to walk into my kitchen and have a light guide me without having to turn on the overhead one. They attach with magnets to the bottom of your cabinets, or you can use them in closets, drawers, or anywhere else you need a bit of light.

Electric Gravity Pepper Grinder set

These were an impulse purchase. I saw someone using them on TikTok and of course I wanted them. Did I need them? No, the manual salt and pepper grinders I had worked just fine. But these light up! And automatically grind for me! They make me feel fancy and look nice sitting on my counter.

Plastic shampoo bottles

I was looking for a way to reduce the insane amount of shampoo and conditioner the girls use. You’d think they were covered in hair from head to toe with how quickly they demolish a bottle. I found this set of bottles and figured I’d give them a shot. Each girl has their own set and I’m able to see who is the culprit. They are easy to pump and we can keep an eye on the levels so we know when to refill and I don’t have to hear “MOMMY I’M OUT OF SHAMPOO” and scramble to find more.

HOTOR Car Trash Cans

These fit perfectly in the cup holder of the girl’s car seats, and even came with little trash bags. They have a flip lip to keep items in and are easy to clean out. We are still working on making this a habit, but its nice that they each have a way to help keep the car tidy.

Cable Management Boxes

Cords Cords Cords! They were EVERYWHERE. Under my desk, on the mantle. EVERYWHERE. So, I wanted some sort of containment system to be able to hide them, but still have them accessible as I knew I’d be unplugging things at times. The set I bought comes with 3 different sizes. I placed the large one under my desk to organize all of the wires from my work computer (plus it ended up being a nice place my cat chose to rest). The middle sized one sits on my mantle. I chose the white boxes so they didn’t completely clash with my (lack of) décor. The tops pop off relatively easily to access the cords, but not so easy that they constantly come undone. I still have the small box set aside to use if needed, once I figure out where to put it.

T-FAL Ingenio detachable handle pan set

This is a purchase I had been wanting to make for years, though I didn’t know it existed. My kitchen is not the best laid out room. I don’t have a nice cabinet to keep my pots and pans, and for years I had a sturdy set of Calphalon pans with large handles that just jammed up my corner spinning cabinets where they were kept. One day, while scrolling TikTok (again…#TikTokMadeMeBuyIt), I saw someone with a set of pans with detachable handles. I IMMEDIATELY jumped on Amazon to see what I could find, and came across this set. I read the reviews and queried my friends on Facebook and decided to make the leap. They were pricey, but I haven’t regretted the purchase for a moment. They fit so neatly in my cabinet and I bought an extra handle to have so I can cook more than one pan at a time. I’m considering buying more so I can get rid of the other pots and pans I have, but for now these do the job.

In October we wear pink

The color pink used to dominate my life. When my parents were building their house, I got to pick out the color of carpet and paint in my room. It was one of the perks of being the oldest. And as any 5 year old girl would do, I picked pink. For both the carpet and walls. Bubblegum pink walls at that. And a dark pink carpet. Why in the world my parents let me do this I’ll never fully understand, but I appreciated it for many years. Until I decided I hated pink. It became too girly and I wanted blue, all the blue. I was able to paint my walls a teal-like color that helped offset the pink carpet, but it still was pink.

Fast forward 30 years and I’m diagnosed with breast cancer. Now, I embrace the pink. I am not painting anything in my house pink, and I can assure you that there will never be a pink rug anywhere in my house, but pink pillows? Absolutely. Pink shirts? Bring them on. Pink décor? Within reason (especially if it also includes pandas or gnomes)

I know there are many in the breast cancer world that hate pink and what it represents. They resent the pink ribbons. I’ve tried to look at it a different way. It’s something that connects me to a plethora of people that understand what I’ve gone through the past 2 years. Yes, there are companies and people that use it as a marketing ploy, but there are so many good things that come out of that little pink ribbon. There are Facebook communities and MeetUp groups. There are blogs and TikToks. All trying to share the stories of those that have battled.

Prior to my diagnosis, I would support some breast cancer groups occasionally, but it wasn’t a focus of mine. I knew a few people that had been diagnosed, but it wasn’t super present in my life. Now, I am drawn to the pink ribbon and the stories of those that sport it. Survivors, co-vivors, parents, kids. I want to share my story. I want someone to hear my adventure through the world of cancer and get themselves checked out.

So, I haven’t shied away from sharing my story and what I’ve gone through. I don’t fault those who chose to keep it private. Each person’s journey is just that, theirs. I share for knowledge; I share to hopefully get someone to find their cancer early enough instead of waiting. I share so people know they aren’t alone. I offer my contact information to anyone I hear that is newly diagnosed, because I know that would have been amazing to have when I got those results. My girls know way too much about cancer for being 9 and 6. They know about chemo and ports and radiation and mastectomies and reconstruction. I proudly show them my scars because I want them to see that I was stronger than what tried to come for me. I want them informed. They will both need to start mammograms by the age of 25 because of my history. That part is scary, but I want them prepared.

So, pink it is. And pink it will always be.

Plus, the blue…I mean I can’t give that up now.

The Bathroom Reveal

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In my infinite wisdom, I decided to give myself a deadline of the weekend before my surgery to have the girls’ entire bathroom done. Seemed reasonable at the time, until I realized I failed to factor in the fact that the drywall tape needed to dry, the paint needed to dry and the caulking needed to dry. Then I was thrown a curve ball that the handyman I had hired didn’t install any of the plumbing in the tub correctly. As in, things were installed backwards, a pipe was pinched so it ended up spraying water when I turned on the shower (which I only discovered because we had cut a hole in HoneyBunches’ wall to access it), and left the overflow vent and tub drain disconnected. There was about a 5-inch gap between the pipes. This happened 2 days before my surgery. I had an absolute meltdown when water started pouring into my living room when we turned it on. I was under so much stress worrying about the major operation I was about to have and then this was just icing on the cake.

But as always, my dad came to my rescue and asked his neighbor that is a master plumber to come help. They opened up the ceiling in the living room, made the hole in HB’s room bigger and replaced all of the pipes that were messed up, fixed the backwards pieces and gave me a fully functional shower and tub within the span of about 5 hours. To say I was beyond grateful would be an understatement.

I purchased the tub and shower surround from Home Depot. I had been looking around for months (even before the renovation started) for what I wanted and pricing out the options. I knew I didn’t want just a tub and titled walls, I wanted shelves and something easier to clean, with less chances for water to get into the walls. I found the Sterling Store+ set and knew it was what I wanted. I loved that I could customize the shelving with a 10 or 12 piece set, which was perfect so each girl has their own set of shelves. It installed directly to the studs, which made installation easy and I didn’t have to worry about making sure drywall was set up properly behind it.

After the tub and surround were in, Dad came over one day while I was working (he was just as anxious to get it all done before my surgery as I was) and measured, cut and put up the drywall. At this point, we discovered the room was VERY much not square, but it wasn’t anything we wouldn’t be able to remedy with lots of taping and filling. I chose mold and mildew resistant drywall for the entire room as I was worried about the chance of mold reoccurring. Dad left the mudding and taping to me, mainly because I was determined to figure it all out myself. I spent lots of time YouTubing how to do it and one morning I woke up and got to work. I chose to use an all-purpose drywall mud and mesh tape since it was inevitably going to be a moist environment and the mesh was recommended over paper tape. I cussed a lot during this process, as my perfectionist tendencies kept trying to come out to make sure things were square and neat. Plus being only 5’3” reaching the ceiling over the tub was challenging. Some areas needed thick mud due to the unevenness of the room, which increased the drying time.

Sanding took me what seemed like forever and the dust coated me, the floor, the ladder, the hallway and stair railing (note to self, next time put up plastic tarps lol). Finally, I was ready to paint! I picked out a light blue from Behr that included primer and set to work. The girls of course wanted to help and I had been promising they could help me with the paint throughout the project. The color turned out so wonderful, exactly as I had pictured (I didn’t even get a sample, just bought one I liked). I did 2 coats of the paint to make sure things were fully covered due to the new drywall.

After the painting was complete, I finally got to install the vanity I found on Facebook and painted. After cutting holes for the plumbing, we secured it to the wall and re-attached the door and drawers. I had purchased tip out trays from Amazon for the fake “drawers” they put on vanities, as I wanted to make sure I maximized storage space since I removed the medicine cabinet from the wall. The ones I purchased can be found here. They were pretty easy to install and I love that the girls can hide their toothpaste in it and not clutter the counter tops.

I had picked out a life proof vinyl plank flooring with a wood look. It comes with an attached underlayment so Dad was able to get it installed within a few hours. After we got the flooring in, we installed the toilet and then I got to put the final touches on the bathroom. The girls had picked out the curtain, rug, toothbrush holder and trash can. They did an amazing job, considering I hadn’t even picked out the paint color when we bought the accessories.

All I need is the mirror (finding one has been a pain) and to add some personalized décor and it will be DONE! It turned out exactly as I had imagined and makes me even more excited to move onto another project.

Where did the last month go?

It’s officially been one month since my reconstruction surgery. At least the first phase (some people have more than one phase to fix things). The past month has been a blur. I feel like I have slept the bulk of this month away. I was never a big napper before surgery, I struggle to fall asleep during the day and feel like a nap does not contribute to a productive day. However, I have learned to love my daily naps and will greatly miss them when I have to go back to work.

I’ve been struggling with my recovery though. Not so much in a physical sense, as my incisions are healing nicely, my flaps appear to have taken wonderfully and I got most of my drains out a week post-surgery. My struggle comes from the mental aspect. I feel like I should be doing things. I’m sitting at home most days and look around and think “Oh I should clean that, oh I should organize that, I should take advantage of this time”. Then I do none of it, lay on the couch for hours and feel lazy. I’ve had to have people remind me “YOU JUST GOT CUT OPEN AND NEED TO HEAL” (yes yelling because I’m stubborn). I’ve done a few things (some laundry, dishes, grocery shopping etc.) but my house is a disaster.

Vulnerable moment warning. I’m mad at my recovery. Not that I didn’t bounce back immediately, not that I don’t have perfect results (my stomach is flatter than it has been since I was in my early 20s), but that I’m having to do it all alone. Ok, maybe not ALONE (my parents have been saints taking care of me and the girls, we stayed with them for 2 weeks), but now that we are back at our house, I have zero help regularly. I don’t have a partner to take on any of the load of daily life (transporting girls to and from school, cleaning up, grocery shopping, prepping dinner, dealing with bed time). And this makes me angry and resentful. Lots of woe is me feelings that I was left to go through life alone, that I have to be everything for the girls because someone else isn’t stepping up. When I do ask for help (which I’m getting better at), I feel like a burden. And once the help is given, I feel like I owe the person that helped me. I feel guilty for asking for help.

I will keep pushing forward though, just like I have for two and a half years so far. I should be going back to work soon, which will be both frustrating (trying to get the girls ready to go while I’m working, having a set amount of time I can’t do anything, no naps!), and a return to normal that will hopefully propel me forward.

In the meantime, I’m giving myself grace to rest and allow my body to heal so that I can move on and move mountains.

Just the boost I needed

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A vacuum was the inspiration for my blog. Sounds ridiculous, right? A vacuum?

Let’s go back to last year, shall we?

I had wanted a robot vacuum for years. Vacuuming and sweeping are not my favorite tasks, but my house was in desperate need of constant cleaning because of a cat and 2 kids. I just couldn’t justify the expense of buying one when I had so many other priorities. Fortunately, my sister saw one on Facebook Marketplace in her town for $75. I couldn’t pass it up as it was name brand, the Shark Ion RV750. I contacted the seller and arranged for pick up the next day.

That very night, I got home and plugged it in and worked to get it connected to my Wi-Fi. I named it Boston. Because it sucks (Go Yankees!). It worked for about 20 minutes, then began erroring out. I panicked. Did I spend money on a lemon? I reached out to the seller who advised it worked the night before she sold it to me. I have no proof otherwise so I did some research online as to what could be the problem. Turns out it was the suction motor. The main purpose of a vacuum and mine was dead. I am pretty sure I cried. I wanted this thing to work and I had just shelled out $75 of my limited funds.

I decided I was going to fix it myself. I have zero experience with repairing electrical parts. I figured I’d find some instructions somewhere on what to do. YouTube to the rescue! I found a video of a person fixing my exact model of vacuum, with step-by-step instructions. I ordered the part I needed from eBay for $15 and while I was at it, I decided to order some new brushes and filters for it. The kit I ordered was from Mochenli and I found it on Amazon here. If it was getting fixed up, why not make it pretty too!

The motor was delivered about a week later and I got to work. I took it apart piece by piece as instructed by the video. Disconnecting the motherboard was intimidating as there were so many wires for this little piece of equipment. Finally, I got to the motor I needed to replace. It took a little finagling but I finally got the defective piece out and got the new one in. I reconnected all of the wires, cleaned out the inside and finally got it all put back together. I turned it over and hit that CLEAN button and IT WORKED! I was so excited I loudly cheered while home alone and texted some friends that I had rebuilt a robot vacuum.

Getting ready to dismantle the motherboard

And so, the idea of this blog came to be – sharing DIY projects I complete (intermingled with life as a single mom and cancer survivor) to show people they can tackle tasks that they may doubt they can. My main audience is single moms, but really anyone can do these things. I want to share my adventures through these tasks with you and hope you will join me on my journey.

It’s just hair, right?

A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life
Coco Chanel

I don’t have much hair to cut right now, which is something I’m still learning to deal with. Growing up I always felt my hair was just about my best feature, along with my eyes. It was thick and blondish (always lightening in the sun) and usually super long. Sure I would go crazy and cut it sometimes, or add some highlights, but I always went back to long. When I went through chemo, I feared losing that beautiful hair would have been impossibly difficult. I didn’t feel I had any other features that were noteworthy, so losing the one thing I had was hard to swallow.

But it was actually not difficult at all. It was strangely liberating. I shaved my head before it all fell out, mainly because it was painful. My head hurt constantly after my first chemo session, almost as if I could feel the death of each follicle. I wore a beanie or scarf to work, only to avoid stares. As soon as I got home though, I rocked the bald dome. I would sit and just rub my head, and invited my friends and family to do the same. I liked to joke with my dad that now he had more than me, and “raced” my nephews (2 months and 8 months old at the time) to see who would have more hair every time we video chatted. I loved my bald head, if only because showers were so much simpler and I saved so much money on shampoo!

My daughters both have gorgeous hair. Sunshine has the same thick hair I had when I was younger, and HoneyBunch has wavy hair that just kept growing and growing. They both have been begging for haircuts for a few weeks, but I have to admit I was reluctant because I loved HoneyBunch’s baby curls that have been there for 6 years. I loved Sunshine’s blondish ends that reminded me of summer. I finally made them appointments at the local Hair Cuttery, since we don’t have a “stylist” of our own (yet). They both wanted dramatic cuts, and I made sure to put on a big smile so they wouldn’t be influenced by me and my trepidation. It’s their hair, their body, and their choice.

Between the two of them, they cut off probably close to 30 inches of hair. And both said they wanted to donate their hair to people who need it. This is the third time Sunshine has donated (and she’s only 9!). We walked out of the salon, a pound of hair lighter, with huge smiles and a bag full of hair for me to send off. Both girls have been so excited to flaunt their hair styles, to brush their own hair, to stand in front of the mirror admiring themselves (I mean, they did that before, but now they have new hair!)

So, I’m not sure what life changes they are getting ready to make. They have big dreams and big hearts, therefore anything that comes will be amazing.

Tear it down to build it up

When I made the decision to refinance the house to my own name instead of selling it, I was determined that renovating my girls’ bathroom would be the first project I would tackle. That is, after I redid my bedroom to make it MINE. It took a few months to get started on the project, I knew what I wanted to do in my mind, but getting moving on it was overwhelming. I had to get my own shower fixed first so that we still had a working one. Once that was done, there was nothing holding me back, other than my intimidation. I knew that I wanted to do the bulk of the work myself, not using a handyman. Do I have any experience? Nope. Do I know what I’m doing? Nope. But I knew that YouTube, my dad and friends would get me through most of it.

One weekend when the girls were with their dad, I decided to start. I cleared everything out of the room, unscrewed the light switch cover and removed the medicine cabinet, using my OWN power tools! I knocked a hole in the drywall (which was way too much fun). Then, I put off the project for a while. At that point, I was afraid I bit off more than I could chew. Taking the room down to the studs and subflooring was crazy, right?

But I decided to do something I do not like doing, and asked my dad to help me remove the bigger things (mainly the toilet and vanity). I just didn’t think I could physically do it myself, which I HATE to admit. As he does, my dad came to the rescue and tore out the big things and got started taking out the tile. Definitely no going back at that point.

And again, the bathroom just sat. I knew I needed to call a handyman to help with the tub installation. Dad and I weren’t comfortable with the level of knowledge that would take. Finally got the handyman out and the project will be moving forward soon. I’m so excited. I’ve painted the vanity I got off of Facebook, started shopping for the flooring, and dreaming of the final product. I have a goal to have it done by the end of July, so I don’t need to worry about it during my recovery. The girls are so excited to decorate. So far they’ve said they want to do a bumble bee theme which I love. We shall see if it sticks, but as long as it’s not too bright, I’ll let them make the choices.

And I so cannot wait to get my bathroom back! I’m learning to treasure my own space, to see it as a respite. Little by little I’m going to make this house something I’m proud of, somewhere my girls will always want to be. Our own slice of heaven.

Sunshine and HoneyBunch??

So where did the name Sunshine and HoneyBunch come from?

When my girls were born, I wanted to find a song to sing to them at night. I don’t know why this was so important to me. I am not musical and can’t carry a tune. Music wasn’t that important to my family growing up. I don’t recall my parents ever singing to me as a kid. But I was determined that my girls would have SOMETHING like a song to recall fondly when they get older.

When my oldest – Sunshine – was born, I tried a few different tunes. Random ones I heard on the radio, lullabies, humming etc. Nothing seemed to stick. Then I decided to sing her “You are my sunshine”. A friend in high school sang it to me (I can’t remember why, but we were in Europe and she got a kick out of how red I turned). And so began our routine of singing “You are my sunshine” every night. I even learned a second verse to it. As she got a little older, she would lay in my arms in her glider, and say “Shunshine”. This was my cue to start the song over. There were nights when my little girl would request “Shunshine” 20 or so times. And now 9.5 years later, I still sing it to her every night I can. I’ve even sung it to her when she’s at her dad’s house. When she’s mad at me, I make it extra silly and sing as loud as I can in the hallway.

And then came along HoneyBunch. I was on YouTube late at night while nursing a newborn trying to find something that fit. Eventually I stumbled upon a YouTube clip of a little cartoon bunny singing “You are my HoneyBunch” and that was it. I listened to it over and over so I could learn the words for her. She’s now 6.5, and requests her song every single night. She adds her own little variations at the end every night and it makes us both giggle.

I’ve told both girls I will sing their songs every night I can for as long as I can. Even when they are teenagers, even when they move out, I’ll call them to sing to them. They roll their eyes and smile, knowing that I’m serious. If they are mad at me, and request I don’t sing their songs, I don’t. I don’t want them to think I’m forcing it on them. But it’s one of those things that we share, that no one can take from us. Their dad used to join in, when he was home for bedtimes, but it’s been me their whole lives.

So, they are my Sunshine and HoneyBunch. Which is how I plan to refer to them in this blog. Those that know me in person know their real names, and I ask that if you comment you leave their names out. I am possibly going to be sharing some hard details at times, and figure that they didn’t ask for their lives to be uprooted like they were, so why drag their names into this as well. Sunshine knows about the blog, but I won’t let her read it. HoneyBunch has no clue, and I’ll probably keep it that way. If something comes of the blog and it takes off, I’ll reconsider, but for now this is how it will be.