An Introduction

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end

Seneca

I though today would be a fitting day to start my blog. It’s a day that has signified a few new beginnings in my life and thought I would throw another one into the mix. Twelve years ago, May 23 2009 my now ex-husband and I moved into our very first home. We bought a house hoping to build a life for our future family. We were young (24 and 25 at the time), relatively naïve, but oh so hopeful about what this house would mean to us. And for 10 years exactly, this was our home.

Two years ago, May 23 2019, another new beginning. My ex-husband decided he no longer wanted to be married to me and left. I won’t go into any more details, because at this point those details don’t matter, but I’ll say it wasn’t my choice and I was devastated. I had to figure out what I was going to do. I had done a lot of the parenting and adulting on my own already, but now I really had no back up.

What I didn’t know at that point, was that I was about to face the most difficult, emotionally draining, soul crushing times I could imagine. I was consumed with grief about the loss of what I thought my life would be.

And it was excruciating.

Two months after he left, I went to the doctor to finally get a lump in my breast checked. It had been there for a while, I had even pointed it out to him, but when my world crumbled, it got pushed aside. In a matter of days, I went from worried about a lump to being diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. Breast Cancer. I sat and took that news with a straight face. I knew it was coming. Because why wouldn’t it. The hell I’d been through the prior two months just figured to continue. As soon as the doctor left, I sobbed. Then the ball started rolling. I met with a cancer nurse navigator, who set me up with a surgeon. Then the surgeon scheduled me for an MRI to make sure there were no other spots on the other breast. I also had genetic testing to make sure I wasn’t a carrier of any gene responsible for my cancer.

Over the next few months, I had a lumpectomy which found the cancer had spread to a lymph node. I had to have a second lumpectomy because the first still showed cancer. That lumpectomy STILL showed cancer. In December 2019 I started chemotherapy. Sixteen rounds over 5 months. I lost all my hair, my eyebrows, my eyelashes. I was nauseous most of the time, but still gained weight due to the steroids I was being given. I had lost of feeling in my fingers and toes, my fingernails hurt, my joints ached like I was elderly. I worked full time through the whole ordeal. I was the sole caretaker for my girls about 90% of the month, as they only went to their dad’s every other weekend.

Then the pandemic happened. I was still in chemo at the time. I was already terrified of getting sick. Terrified of not being able to take care of my girls. And now I was terrified for my life from a virus no one understood. I began working from home full time. I pulled my girls out of daycare and the three of us stayed home, other than my chemo appointments. I didn’t step foot in Target for 3 months!

Then I finished chemo. I got to ring the bell. I scheduled an appointment to meet with a surgeon for my mastectomy. I was making the decision to remove both breasts because I did NOT want to go through this again on the other side, even though there was nothing there. I had my surgery August 12 2020. After healing and consultations, I then started radiation in November 2020. Twenty-five rounds. I drove to the hospital 5 days a week for over a month, using my lunch breaks most of the time. Or I’d go right after work, get zapped then pick up my girls from daycare, go home and be mom for the rest of the night.

So, I’m reclaiming May 23. It will now be a different beginning for me. I’m going to put myself out there in ways I haven’t done before. I’m hoping I stick to it; I’ve wanted to do a blog for so long. I’m hoping to share my adventures in single parenting, tackling home improvement projects and maintenance, rediscovering who I am, and maybe one day dating (but that’s way down the road, I don’t have time for that now). I hope you’ll continue to join me on this adventure. I’m not the best with words, so bear with me.